Uber

They say to me:

• If we're going to smile at the sun, we should also smile at the rain.
• You let too many refugees in here. They are criminals. Look at those two over there, they don't work, these people, they just sell drugs and fight. This is why we must learn street-fighting. The war will come and we must be ready.
• I am Bulgarian but I'm also Turkish. Sometimes one, sometimes the other. They are both my home but neither is my home. England is my home. In England they don't care if you are Bulgarian or if you are Turkish. Let me tell you about the history of the Balkans.
• I don't go on holiday any more. There is nowhere safe.
• I don't care if my son grows up and hates football. But he must never support Fenerbahce.
• What do you think? Livingstone was not anti-Semitic. Do you think he was anti-Semitic? Do you? You don't want to answer me do you?
• Where I'm from, we have twelve weeks of sun. Then twelve weeks of rain. Here you have twelve minutes of sun. Then twelve minutes of rain.
• I miss Kurdistan. But I love Thurrock.
• I've just left my son at the hospital. He has to be on this machine twice a day. Every day. He has thalassaemia. Thalassa means 'sea'. Sea Of Blood.

I say to them:

• Thank you.

And then I give them a score out of five.